


How Do I Feel?

by SeventhStrife



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Body Horror, Chadley's Big Fat Crush on Cloud, Cybernetics, Don't copy to another site, First Meetings, Gen, Introspection, Kinda?, Non-Consensual Body Modification, Post-Dirge of Cerberus (Compilation of FFVII), Science Bros, Shelke: How Do I Person?, Will I ever pass up the chance to include my son Cloud Strife?, friends at first sight, no I don't think I will, tagging just in case
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:27:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28113126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeventhStrife/pseuds/SeventhStrife
Summary: As she adjusts to life amongst civilians, Shelke begins to doubt her place amongst normal humans. Advice and perspective comes from a source that she least expects, and one that she has more in common with than she realizes.
Relationships: Shelke Rui & Chadley (Compilation of FFVII)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8
Collections: 2020 FF7 Secret Santa





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WandererRiha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WandererRiha/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OH BOY. This fic. _This fic,_ man. lolol
> 
> So, we get four weeks to work on our prompts, right? I was so confident this year I'd have it fulfilled waaaaaay before the deadline. I decided to take it easy. First week, I outlined it, sooooo sure absolutely nothing could possibly go wrong or distract me because I'd _planned_ for this!
> 
> Next two and a half weeks? I got COVID babeyyyyy
> 
> Yeah. It was one of the single-worst experiences of my life. By the time I was able to stay upright for longer than ten minutes without significant pain or nausea, I had, oh, four days to write this fic. I absolutely didn't have a panic attack or otherwise doubt myself in the slightest lmao.
> 
> But writing this ended up being super enjoyable! And I was just so glad to be able to _use_ my laptop and write again! I'd missed it so much!!! 😭😭😭
> 
> Hopefully, my sick status isn't apparent in my writing, nor my resulting desperate crunch haha. I was especially excited to write Chadley, one of many new side characters in the remake I'd fallen in love with. So thanks, giftee, for the awesome prompt!

A deep fatigue made Shelke's eyes difficult to open that morning. It was as familiar as it was annoying, but the sudden, relentless tiredness had become so rote that it felt like an intrinsic part of her being; tedious, yet gospel. 

It took her several long minutes to lever herself upright, and then she spent several more catching her breath. The moment she felt stable, she pushed herself out of bed with a quiet, weary sigh.

On silent feet, she crept out of her room and was careful to shut her door behind her as quietly as possible. A quick glance at the children's rooms, as well as Tifa's, assured her they slept still. The air held a slight morning chill as the faintest, nearly-gray light pierced the furthest window down the hallway. Soon, the house would be filled with the running steps of children racing to the bathroom, of Tifa's soothing, light voice as she ushered them to school, and the general chaos Shelke was beginning to adjust to in a home with a family. But for now, she was alone.

Well, not entirely, she hoped.

The stairs proved to be their own particular challenge, but one she weathered with grim determination. No one was around to witness her pathetic progress as she clung to the wall and paused for breath every other step, and that was all she cared about. 

Even still, when the last few steps loomed before her and the strong scent of coffee wafted to her nose, pride gave way to exhausted relief.

"Cloud?" she called softly, hardly daring to raise her voice about a whisper. Tifa was...formidable, when she was awoken before her alarm.

Thankfully, Cloud had SOLDIER hearing, and he was there before her in the next instant, sleep-clothes still wrinkled and hair spikier than usual and mussed. His eyes, however, were completely alert, and they took Shelke in from head to toe in a quick, assessing glance. 

"It's time?" he asked, calm understanding bleeding into his expression.

Weakly, Shelke held up the small case in her fist. "Yes."

Without a word, Cloud took the length of rolled leather from her and his eyes went to her shaking arms, still grasping at the wall.

"Is it okay if I pick you up?" 

That was perhaps Shelke's favorite thing about Cloud. Most days, she very much still felt like a guest in this home he and Tifa had insisted was hers as well. Trapped in this small body, a child and yet not, she'd never felt more isolated from humanity than when she'd come to live in Tifa's humble bar. Every day she saw a thousand thoughtless gestures, instinctive acts these people extended to one another as they breathed and laughed and loved and cared for one another. She spent a lot of time staring, trying to understand them, trying to understand that easy comfort they found in one another. After three months, she still felt no closer to enlightenment.

But Cloud in particular was the least vexing to understand. He was a simple man and lived the same way. He said exactly what he meant and Shelke didn't have to worry about mentally sorting through dozens of carefully studied non-verbal cues to have a conversation with him. He just was. 

And best of all, he treated her normally. Or, as normally as someone living with her circumstances could be treated. Unlike Tifa, he didn't falter when confronted with the difference between her appearance and her actual age. He weathered her 'creepy' staring without confronting her angrily or demanding her to stop. And when she needed his help, he never looked at her with eyes that pitied her. He did what needed to be done, and they moved on. He respected her boundaries, few as they were, and always gave her a choice. It was the only reason why she could bring herself to endure the indignity of asking for help in the first place. She could do it herself, but the fatigue came on so fast, she couldn't always trust herself to have a steady hand.

"You may," Shelke answered, voice a little more breathless than she would have preferred.

Cloud swept her up with nearly insulting ease and had her seated in the nearest booth in less than a few seconds without so much as a grunt of exertion.

He crouched next to her and unwound the thin strip that kept the leather pouch rolled up and let it unfurl. Glowing in the faint light of the bar, several syringes of liquid mako sloshed gently in their glass confines.

"Arm?"

"Yes."

The very first time, Cloud had seemed put off by the idea of handling mako in this way. But after a few injections, he seemed to get over whatever reservations he had, enough to perform this service for Shelke whenever she asked for it. Many times, she'd thought to ask him the reason behind his reluctance, one she believed lay deeper than a mere discomfort with needles, but some unnamed emotion held her tongue. Perhaps it was wariness; if she did something to upset him, she could easily find herself on the streets, doomed to be another small and filthy creature scurrying around the fringes of society until the lack of mako made her pass out and never wake again. And after all this time, she'd grown quite fond of having a bed. It was a privilege she wasn't quite ready to relinquish.

Shelke rolled up the sleeve of her shirt and looked straight ahead as Cloud prepared the syringe, rid it of air bubbles, and injected it into her arm with a slight sting and a surge of fiery pain that she'd never quite adjusted to. But as the mako entered her system she could already feel her breaths deepen and the lethargy lifting like a cloud pierced by sunlight. The polished wood of the table caught the faint glow of her eyes before it faded once more.

"Done," Cloud murmured quietly, and then he delicately removed the needle from her arm. He slid the empty syringe back into the case and brushed feather-light fingertips over her wound where a tiny bead of blood bubbled over. Another wave passed over her, light and airy, and Shelke just barely caught to flare of green in his opposite hand. When he retracted his hand, the puncture wound was gone.

"I've told you before," Shelke said, voice just shy of chastizing. She swiped at the blood with the sleeve of her opposite hand. The faint ache was completely gone. "There is no need to use materia for such a minor injury."

Cloud shrugged, as he always did in these types of situations. In her time in Seventh Heaven, she'd learned that Cloud and Tifa both tended to have at least one materia on hand at any given moment, even when they were within the relative safety of their own home. Just in case.

He rolled up her case and handed it back to her, eyes thoughtful.

"You're running low," he observed. "I'll call Reeve."

"...If you don't mind. Thank you."

These early mornings have become a quiet comfort in her time on the surface. More often than not, she spends them with Cloud, the two of them sitting in peaceful, contemplative silence as Cloud sipped the coffee he didn't need while Shelke tried and once again failed not to be mesmerized by the sunlight as it crept through the windows and broke the darkness of the bar in golden shafts of glittering light. Maybe after a few more months, the awe would fade, but she'd spent a decade in the dark, breathing recycled air. Perhaps not.

Typically, their quiet companionship was broken by the sound of the rest of the house waking as the children got ready for school and Tifa opened the bar. A knock at the door, however, was very much outside of the routine Shelke has observed until now, and she glanced at it in quiet alarm before observing Cloud.

Cloud's brow ticked up in subdued surprise. He sat his coffee on the counter and answered the door in a few strides, swinging it open wide with one lean, muscled arm bracing it.

The person on the other side lit up at the sight of Cloud and smiled with obvious, innocent pleasure.

"Cloud! My apologies for the unannounced visit, and the early hour, but I had a feeling you'd be awake!"

Shelke, curious, twisted on the barstool she'd taken to join Cloud. She didn't recognize this person, and she'd met a lot of people since coming to live at a bar.

His hair shined an unnatural silver in the sunlight, falling in soft, careless waves over his ears and hastily shoved out of his face. His blue eyes were bright as they stared up at Cloud and his pale skin, where she could see it, was completely smooth of blemishes or marks—nearly unheard of, in a world so unforgiving. He was dressed in a way that was vaguely familiar, oddly formal for someone who appeared as young as he did, dressed in gray, pressed slacks, a plain button-up, and a cream blazer. Scuffed, brown leather boots adorned his legs, and Shelke placed them as the very same ones worn by members of the WRO. He didn't appear to be much older than her. Late teens, if she had to guess. He wore a thin glass monocle.

"Chadley." It was only because she'd lived with him for a few months that Shelke was able to recognize the note of surprise in Cloud's quiet tone. 

"I know a visit from me is quite unorthodox," Chadley stated, his smile turning sheepish. "But I'm afraid I couldn't wait for your next visit to headquarters."

Chadley reached for a pack hanging at his side and quickly tossed over the flap that kept it closed. He pulled out what was unmistakeably a materia, although she'd never seen one in quite that color.

Cloud huffed and his lips ticked up in amusement. He took the offered materia and observed it, rotating it slowly as it shined a vibrant orange in the light.

"I'm surprised the WRO is prioritizing this kind of thing right now," he observed. 

Chadley's sheepish expression managed to deepen. He shifted slightly and cleared his throat delicately.

"I must admit, this is something more of a personal project. 'Off the books,' one could say..."

Chadley broke eye contact during his explanation. He sounded...guilty, Shelke decided. He felt guilty, although whether it was because he was doing more work than he should, or that he wasn't supposed to be doing this work, _specifically_ , she couldn't be sure.

Those roving eyes caught on Shelke and his expression smoothed of everything but surprise. 

Cloud noticed immediately and finally stepped away from the door to allow Chadley entry.

"This is Shelke," he introduced.

Shelke inclined her head. "Hello."

Chadley's eyes flitted between the two of them, but he seemed particularly fixated on Shelke.

"Shelke Rui?" he clarified, and Shelke tensed.

To anyone who asked, Shelke was a normal teenager, one who had recently recovered from an intense and long battle with mako poisoning with one very obvious and severe side-effect. In the wake of Meteorfall, no one questioned it, well-versed on the strange things mako could do to the human body. 

Shelke's true identity as a Tsviet was kept confidential and only those within the WRO, and Cloud's friends, knew the truth. It was for her protection, she knew, even though she was more than capable of handling any threat. However, after living in Seventh Heaven, a quiet worry had begun to fester, something near paranoia, that someone within the WRO would talk, would let her secret leak. She wasn't afraid of being attacked, but she had begun to fear allowing innocents to be caught in the crossfire, of little Marlene stepping in the path of a bullet meant for Shelke, of this make-shift family, that had fought so hard to be together, being destroyed by the ghosts of her past.

"I had heard that you were living amidst the civilians, I just hadn't realized..." Chadley shook his head and smiled brightly. He strode to Shelke and held out a hand. "My name is Chadley. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Shelke blinked, but the hand didn't falter, the smile didn't waver. Carefully, she slid her hand against his, cool and dry.

"Likewise," she said quietly.

"As you can imagine," Chadley started straightaway. He took the stool next to Shelke and began rummaging again in his pack. "I've compiled as much data as I could ever since the start of the Omega Crisis, but it's all amounted to very little. To think Shin-Ra had managed to keep such a thing secret..."

Chadley shook his head, momentarily robbed of words. He finally produced a notebook and a pen as Cloud rounded the counter and poured himself a fresh, steaming cup of coffee.

"There's still so much about the Planet we don't know!" He flipped through a good bit of his notebook before finding a clear page and he began scrawling across it, lightning-fast. His writing was slanted and crammed together tightly, and Shelke couldn't make out any of it without getting closer. "But even more compelling was the technology we witnessed Deepground utilizing. No one can doubt the effects of Shin-Ra's aggressive mako harvesting, but what Deepground used was _decades_ ahead of anything I witnessed even back when the company was at the height of its power!"

Shelke felt as if there should have been a question somewhere in there, but Chadley only looked as excited as he had when presenting Cloud with his materia. He raised those bright blue eyes from his notebook, although he didn't falter once in his writing.

"Could you tell me more about the neural networking you used in your Synaptic Net Dive? The Network is still confounding to us at the Organization, and we barely have enough figured out to give PHS's the coverage needed to operate properly. Your VR helmet? I've been studying it, and the neurotransmitters in it are _fascinating,_ although understanding the bridge between virtual reality and how it can properly transfer a consciousness without any significant trauma to the actual synaptic nerves eludes me. I've studied VR technology extensively, but it's clear that I was only afforded the most basic of systems compared to that which you used yourself. Was there any sort of training you had to undertake to safely dive? Or perhaps," Chadley's expression went contemplative; his eyes darted around Shelke's head as if he could pick her apart through sight alone, "A neural implant would also solve that problem quite efficiently, I imagine. Although figuring out the exact resonance and synaptic field to allow such a connection doesn't necessarily make it an _easier_ solution, really. But of course, this isn't even taking into account the actual mental configurations of the user _themselves—_ "

Shelke, eyes slightly wide, shot Cloud an expression of muted alarm. To go from expecting harsh censure to... _this_...it left her quite taken-aback.

Cloud, resting the small of his back against the opposite counter, merely smirked at her as he took another drink of coffee, legs crossed at the ankles, the very picture of nonchalance, as if Chadley's strange interrogation was normal. He gave Shelke an easy shrug, perhaps reassuring her that there was nothing strange about this at all.

Unsure, but willing to trust Cloud's opinion on this person, Shelke looked back at Chadley.

"I was indeed trained extensively to use the SND," Shelke explained, and immediately Chadley stopped talking, expression rapt as she spoke. It made her falter for a moment; no one had ever appeared so... _eager,_ to hear her speak before...

Shelke straightened in her seat, pushing away the brief moment of hesitance.

"Dives require a great deal of mental discipline. Other consciousnesses exist on the virtual plane and tend to overwhelm any user not trained to withstand the sudden barrage of memories and data. I've seen countless minds shattered in their attempts to access the Worldwide Network without proper preparation, but even then, training can only take you so far. Take me for example."

As Chadley furiously wrote everything she said down, Shelke raised her palm, felt the surge in her blood as she called on the strength her mako shot had given her, and knew that her eyes were glowing; everything was suddenly sharper, clearer. 

"I already possessed enough capabilities for the SND process to be evaluated as 'predisposed'. My subsequent years of torture purged me of most human emotional responses, thus exponentially increasing my resonance within a Dive. It made it simpler to categorize the data as it came and discard anything that was not. When one's mind is clear of any distraction, the potential for harm is drastically decreased. If the information I seek resides within another consciousness, a 'negotiation' or sorts commences, to guide it towards revealing the data I need."

When Shelke lowered her hand, Cloud was frowning. Chadley, however, was nodding. He turned a page in his notebook and continued taking notes. 

"I see," he muttered. "This 'negotiation' seems not unlike a conversation with the other consciousness, in a way."

After a moment of thought, Shelke nodded in agreement. "It is similar, yes."

"Fascinating. Do you—?"

At that moment, Chadley's monocle shimmered oddly, suddenly lit as if it were a small screen, and tiny numbers and letters crawled across the lense. Even more indecipherable blue code appeared just beyond it, as if _projected_ in the open air. 

"Oh!" Chadley started slightly in alarm. "I hadn't realized the time!" He closed his notebook and put it away, then hopped off the barstool. "Apologies," he said, inclining just a bit from the waist in a slight bow. "I hadn't meant to intrude for so long, but I must be going."

Cloud waved him off. "It's fine." Another slight smile appeared on his lips. "Don't be late."

Chadley smiled back, shouldering his satchel further up his shoulder. "I won't be!" 

Chadley faced her and Shelke still found it to be so unnerving to be the center of such sincere excitement...

"I sincerely hope this isn't the last time we speak," Chadley said earnestly. He adjusted his monocle and it washed clear, simple glass once more. "You should come visit headquarters some time, tour the labs!"

Shelke mulled that over for a moment, meditating on the feeling that swelled in her chest at the invitation. She felt...yes, she wanted to. Definitely. Many days passed where Shelke felt like the child others saw her, struggling to keep up, struggling to learn what everyone else seemed to do with automatic thoughtlessness. But in her brief conversation with Chadley, she'd been at ease, comfortable. Her abilities and her time within Deepground weren't particularly popular topics, but it was what she knew, what she _understood._ It felt good to be competent again; and with the current status of Deepground being what it was, she was beginning to realize she'd all but become the leading expert in this particular field.

Shelke laced her fingers together in her lap, although her own excitement still betrayed her with a slight smile as she met Chadley's bright blue eyes.

"I think I would like that. Very much."

Chadley beamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, holding Shelke and Chadley: I just think they're neat.
> 
> Do you guys understand how funny it is that Shelke lives with Cloud and Tifa at Seventh Heaven??? The entire game was Vincent-centric, they made all this effort to tie Lucrecia to Shelke and thus Vincent and still they decided, hey, Cloud can fit more orphans in at that bar, right? Right. I can imagine his face when that decision was made, just like, ...why is it always me? But luckily he understands very well the jarring feeling of displacement when one is trying to reclaim their identity, so he doesn't say no, either.
> 
> But Marlene and Denzel's interactions with her must be so damn funny. They probably keep trying to treat her like a fellow kid and her pride won't let her 'play' with them even though she sorely wants to. This whole family is a damn mess and I love it.
> 
> Unless I missed it, there's no canon resolution for Shelke's status, so she still needs daily mako injections and I'm _assuming_ won't age unless the scientists at the WRO get the time to study her and come up with a solution. Either way, that's the canon for this story, at least.
> 
> It's not going to come up, because there was no way to explain it without it sounding shoe-horned and stilted, but Chadley appears a few older than he does in canon; so an older teenager rather than a fifteen-year-old. In this fic, after he secured his freedom, he set about chasing new experiences, regaining access to more complex emotions, and with his body his to control again, he decides to age himself as he sees fit since, especially after Meteorfall, he's really the only one competent enough to manage his maintence. 
> 
> Story title is from [Blue Monday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYtGJGp-9hA&ab_channel=Lehane/).


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case it wasn't glaringly obvious, I do not have a science-oriented brain. Not even a little bit, lol. So any science-babble Shelke and Chadley say? Pulled it straight outta my ass! So, yeah. Enjoy! ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

Less than a week later found Shelke peeling herself off Cloud's back the moment he'd parked his motorcycle outside of the WRO's headquarters. 

Cloud had an appointment with Reeve Tuesti, but he was also using the opportunity to fulfill Shelke's rather unique prescription. While she was perfectly able to do it herself, it made more sense for Cloud to be the one to refill her mako shots when, more often than not, he was already near the area because of his delivery business. 

She'd offer to do so today, since she'd tagged along, but he'd waved her off as they'd entered the large building.

"Chadley's waiting," he'd said. and that was apparently explanation enough. 

Shelke watched closely as he went through the process of signing in and acquiring a visitor's badge, and Shelke followed suit when he stepped aside. They parted ways at the elevators, Cloud's instructions to the Research wing a repeated mantra in her head.

She attracted her fair share of looks from personel, but no one stopped her, which was all she cared about. She had no issue convincing people of her adult status, but it grew tiresome.

The Research wing was vast and impressive, like many of the WRO's facilities. In some ways, it reminded her of what she'd heard Shin-Ra to be, although these two company's goals couldn't be more different. Dropping Chadley's name got her directed to the labs. 

Shelke's eyes passed over several rooms before she found the number she'd been given, and it slid open soundlessly as she stepped closer.

The lab was sleek but prioritized function over aesthetic, like much of the WRO she'd seen in the past. Plain, tiled floors, a bank of industrial-level computer banks along the far wall, and several metal tables, littered with tech-related apparatuses and the refuse of broken machine parts and trailing, thick cords that fell over the tables to tangle on the floor. Standing near the center of the room, where the chaos seemed to be concentrated, stood Chadley, hunched over something.

Chadley looked much the same as Shelke had last seen him, albeit with two differences: a long, white lab coat, and the thin, delicate metal tools that protruded from his right arm as he tinkered with something that laid on the table. 

Shelke stopped just inside the doorway, frozen in equal parts surprise and intrigue. Nearly a dozen small and incredibly thin instruments were at work from what she could see, picking up small parts, saudering others, turning pieces of equipment beneath Chadley's careful scrutiny. Where they protruded from his arm, his skin was held away from the metallic bone of his arm like a panel, sure to be seamless the moment it slid back into place. She'd never seen anything like it.

The door slide shut behind her and the quiet depression of air made Chadley's head jerk up, eyes wide.

"Shelke!" Immediately, the apparatuses folded together and slid back into his arm with a nearly-inaudible snap. 

"You're here!" he greeted, smiling just as brightly as she'd remembered. "Come in, come in! You have perfect timing, I was just working on a new prototype for a virtual reality visor."

There were more pressing things on Shelke's mind, but she did take a moment to glance over the parts Chadley had spread over the table as she drew even with the table. Buried amongst the cast-offs from what appeared to be earlier attempts, the visor he was working on made her fingers itch to take it, the design was so much sleeker and light.

But, no. Shelke turned slightly to face Chadley directly and accused flatly, "You are not human."

Chadley paused—every inch of him locked up in a stillness more absolute than anything a normal person could imitate. In the next moment, his shoulders fell and he smiled at her, although he appeared more...wry, than happy.

"I suppose it was foolish to assume it wouldn't come up," he said thoughtfully. He straightened and clasped his hands behind his back. "You are correct—although only partially." He raised one hand and held up a finger. "I am, in fact, a cyborg."

"I see..." A cyborg! Shelke had never met his like, and if he were more concerned with concealing himself, she's not sure she would have ever noticed. She gestured to his arm. "May I see it again?"

Chadley blinked in surprise, but held up the aforementioned arm. 

"You are referring to this?" Without any visible effort, a large section of Chadley's skin split and lifted away in a smooth, perfectly-cut panel, to reveal winking lights and the complex machinery that ran beneath it. A few knife thin appendages folded out, like an insect creeping out from a dark shadow, and glinted wickedly in the harsh, overhead lights. 

Shelke threaded her fingers together to resist the urge to touch, but couldn't help leaning closer as she peered at the fine, meticulous cybernetics that made up his arm.

"...Impressive," she had to admit, unable to tear her eyes away. "The Synaptic Net Dive is advanced, but this technology is beyond anything I've seen before."

"Well, only the best for Shin-Ra, I suppose." At Shelke's sharp look, Chadley smiled. The pieces protruding from his body folded back into place and he tucked both hands into the deep pockets of his lab coat. "I was created by Professor Hojo to be his research assistant."

"Created?" That single word caught Shelke's attention. "Do you not consider yourself human at all?"

Chadley made a thoughtful noise and rocked back slightly on his heels. 

"All of my memories prior to entering Professor Hojo's custody were deemed as 'unnecessary waste' and subsequently removed." Chadley shook his head, and while his words were sad, his eyes were clear and straight-forward. "He only valued in me what would make a satisfactory assistant, and he didn't want memories of my past or any human connection to hinder my potential or growth.

"To answer your question: I suppose I am human, but the absence of such a crucial part of my development makes it a moot point. I am here now, and that's what matters. Dwelling on such things simply doesn't appeal to me." Again, with the happy smile.

Shelke's eyes fell to the table, unseeing as she absorbed that. Chadley's story was a tragic one, yet familiar to her in a way that nearly felt intimate. She, too, had been robbed of a past that had once defined her. Even now, as her sister lay comatose in a hospital in Kalm, Shelke couldn't recall a single memory of her that didn't start from the day she'd found the Protomateria. Countless people had _told_ her about Shalua, about her unwavering love for her only sister, her unshakeable determination and her admirable conviction, but they were just words, just stories to her. That person Shalua had sacrificed so much for...she didn't exist anymore, scrubbed completely to make way for a proper vessel, one that could serve Deepground's interests and Dive amongst countless digital consciousness because there was nothing within her to get caught on paltry emotions or memory or humanity.

As she turned Chadley's words over in her mind, it occurred to Shelke that while had met so many strong, powerful, and caring people since she'd left Deepground, there didn't seem to be a single one who hadn't had that power thrust upon them against their will.

"I hadn't realized anything amiss until you called up those holograms back at the bar," Shelke admitted. It smarted her pride, slightly, that she'd needed such blatant proof before she'd known; her job within the Tsviets had been data-gathering, and although that part of her life was over, it still felt like a personal failing, as if she'd grown complacent; she pushed past the feeling. "You seem remarkably human, all things considered," she said, looking back up at him.

Chadley seemed pleased. "I'm glad to hear it."

Shelke stared a beat longer at his smile before she tightened her grip, fingers digging deep against her knuckles as a rare, potent wave of frustration overcame her.

"In truth, I must admit to more than a passing...jealousy," she confessed. Her eyes stayed glued on the silver, half-built visor lying innocuously on the table. "We were both robbed of our childhood's by Shin-Ra. You yourself served at Hojo's side, forced to serve the man who took your past from you. Yet you can still smile. You can be happy. But I..." Shelke looked at her tightly clasped hands. "I fear that I'll never experience those things again," she said very, very quietly.

Logically, Shelke new she was closer to her regaining her own humanity than she'd been in years. Emotions weren't _completely_ unfathomable to her, and the traces of Lucrecia Crescent, still lingering in her brain like the cast-offs of a careless visitor, helped bridge the gap where she struggled to understand. But she only had those scraps to work with and had to figure out the majority of everyday human minutiae alone. She'd gone from an essential, confident member of the Tsviets to a stranger in a foreign land, unable to grasp concepts so simple that children performed them with ease.

A part of her feared this was all her life would be: stuck in this wrong body, ever apart. Yet Chadley, who's very skin was synthetic, could express himself and get excited and smile so sincerely. Who, truly, was the machine, here?

The lightest touch on her shoulder pulled her glare from her hands and she looked straight into Chadley's steady blue eyes. 

"Give it time," he counseled, tone encouraging. "Once I'd broken free of Professor Hojo's control, it took quite a while for me to understanding the overwhelming complexity of human emotions. In fact, I still can't claim to understand them completely." His smile returned, easy and reassuring. "Think of it like...an adventure," he suggested, expression brightening. "Every setback, a teachable moment, so to speak. And in any case, the fact that you feel this fear at all is a very good start! It proves, in my humble opinion, that you are very much human."

Shelke stared into Chadley's eyes for a long moment, but there was nothing but sincerity in his eyes. It was clear he spoke from experience and she found she wasn't immune to the passion of his words. 

Something dangerously akin to hope fluttered in her chest and, unwilling to embarrass herself by allowing her voice to falter, she looked away and settled for a nod.

Chadley's touch fell away and she sensed more than saw how he turned back to the table and lifted the incomplete visor.

"I have the basic design accomplished, as you can see, but I was only able to recover so much research from the old files excavated from Shin-Ra's databanks," he started, and a pale finger traced the edge, lingered on an abruptly severed cord. Tiny sparks danced across his fingertip where it grazed the raw, jagged filaments of wire that protruded from it. "I can only do so much without the complete files, but with you here, I think I can finally make some progress!"

The distraction from their earlier talk was very much welcome. The moment of vulnerability was quickly pushed aside as her curiosity came back with a vengeance. While she had no intentions of using it as she had in the past, the chance to get another SND system operational was too enticing to ignore.

"My helmet had a nerve link at the base, that engaged once I was ready to enter the system. Right here," she said, pointing.

"Interesting," Chadley brushed aside some machine parts and unearthed another weathered notebook. He wrote too fast for a normal person, but now Shelke knew to expect it. "Was this a direct neural link?" At Shelke's nod, he frowned in thought. "Well, I can't imagine the Commissioner approving of something so invasive or painful if it can be avoided. Perhaps a neural transmitter will have to be considered..."

"And how, precisely, is that less invasive?"

"I'll admit, the procedure would certainly be considered so, but the long-term benefits would out-weigh the risks."

Shelke held out her hands and Chadley surrendered the modified visor. She traced a fingertip over the gleaming silver edge of its frame.

"I recall during the earlier years of my tenure," she said slowly as she recalled the fractured memories, "There'd been a brief period where we'd experimented with augments that could be worn that would help make the connection to the Network and streamline the transition into a Dive. The plans were discarded as the direct neural link proved both faster and more efficient, but—"

"But this has significantly more merit as a proposal, I agree." Chadley nodded. He crossed his arms, one hand still out as he gestured. "Of course, that type of augment would need to have a constant connection with the Network to be operational in the first place."

Shelke considered that, then ventured, "It wouldn't be unlike the networking chips already in place for the PHS system."

Chadley locked up like he'd been struck by lightning. He looked down at Shelke, face so clearly displaying shock she didn't need to guess how he felt in that moment.

"You're absolutely right!" His smile then was bigger and brighter than any she'd witnessed before. 

It was only too easy to get lost in their work. There wasn't a thing on the Planet she knew more about than this and she relished the opportunity to slip back into a familiar space, to talk about the logistics of Diving and the fascinating, incredible potential of going further and beyond anything she'd ever considered using it for. 

Chadley was just as engrossed, as interested in Shelke's experience as he was with pushing the known boundaries of what the technology was used for. At her request, he pulled the schematics for his own virtual reality system and they lost some time, side-tracked, as Shelke compared it to the Network's and began an interrogation of her own into how Chadley was able to create a fully-realized 4D space in a mobile, artificial environment. Synaptic Net Drives allowed her to interact within a separate dimension, but there was no true form or matter within it. The Network was fluid and ever-changing, but the possibility of enforcing a rigid, stable field from which to navigate the ever-ebbing flow of data—once the idea seized them, they couldn't let it go.

Shelke didn't know how long they spent talking and working, tinkering with the revised helmet, spinning ideas and comparing notes, and the only reason she noticed a significant amount of time had passed was because abruptly, Chadley stopped speaking. He straightened and his head twisted towards the door, expectant.

Shelke followed his eyes and but a moment later, the door slid open. Cloud stepped through, cool dark eyes alighting on them almost instantly, although they lingered on the mess of machine parts, the smudges of oil and ink on their clothes and faces.

"Cloud!" Chadley abandoned the table and approached quickly. His excitement for their work had been smoothly transferred to a new target. "Have you had a chance to try out your new materia?"

"Yeah. It's pretty good, but it takes a few times for the commands to register."

Chadley nodded thoughtfully and lightly curled the fingers of one hand around his chin. 

"Hm, I suspected as much. For now, I can only advise gathering more field data. Perhaps the repeated use will make the commands come easier?"

"Sure."

"Once you've mastered it, I'll have everything I'll need to create a viable fusion. From there, you should be able to access much more abilities from your summons."

"Cool," Cloud said, and he reached out and gave Chadley's head a pat. It ruffled the silver strands horribly and Cloud smiled slightly. "Thanks."

"N-no thanks necessary," Chadley insisted. His face didn't flush, but he gave off the distinct air of being embarrassed as he averted his gaze and absently brushed a hand through his hair. Shelke only recognized it because it reminded her of herself, back when she'd first worked with the WRO and she'd been told, _I'm counting on you._

The interaction spoke volumes, and Shelke wondered at the history between the two of them. More and more, it appeared there wasn't a single person on the Planet that Cloud didn't seem to know. Perhaps it was simply a product of his work...?

Cloud met Shelke's eyes and held up something; her leather case, assuredly refilled with at least a month's supply of mako shots.

"You done?"

Shelke cast her eyes over the table, but unless she downloaded the ability to _engineer_ along with theorizing their ideas, there was nothing more she could contribute until a prototype was ready. 

"Yes." 

Shelke hopped down from the table where she'd been sitting and met Cloud in the doorway. Chadley smiled at her.

"Feel free to drop by anytime, Shelke," Chadley encouraged. "I know I'll be calling on you soon about our new Dive technology, but your expertise could extend to so much more, I'm sure of it. With the state of the Planet being what it is..." Chadley held out a hand in a vague, unsure gesture. "Well, we're in a bit of a 'all hands on deck' situation, so to speak. Anything you'd be willing to contribute would make an incredible difference, I have no doubt."

Shelke blinked up at him, surprised. Personally, she believed there was only so much she could be counted on to have knowledge of, and today had felt as if she'd come close to exhausting that limited well. But the opportunity to come back, to perhaps make a difference and maybe even make up for all the damage Deepground had caused...

"I will...consider it," she settled on, slow and thoughtful.

"There's no rush," he assured, smiling. "I understand that you've been through a significant amount of change in a very short amount of time. But from what I've seen, you would be an invaluable partner, if you were so inclined."

Shelke looked to Cloud, but he only watched her back, unwilling to influence her decision. Unsure, she looked back into Chadley's eyes, still filled with poorly repressed excitement. Inscrutable coding crawled across his monocle, occasionally blinked into existence just beyond, but despite the proof of his cold interior, his smile was warm and sincere. It made her own lips tug upwards, too. 

"I think I would like that. Very much."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chadley's arm was 1000% inspired by [this](https://merwild.tumblr.com/post/170195543002/they-say-the-first-impression-is-always-important) amazing art.
> 
> I _agonized_ over Chadley for soooooo long! I scoured the wiki, the cutscenes, reddit, you name it! Just looking for some confirmation that Chadley was a cyborg and not actually a full-on robot. In canon, everyone _acts_ like he's actually a robot, but every mention insists on the term 'cyborg' which implies at least _some_ form of organics, right? Because he's such a small side character, there's no confirmed percentage to human vs artificial parts, so I decided: Screw it. My cyborg now. 
> 
> As far as pop culture goes, I know cyborg can range from often visible, artificial parts (a la Cyborg from the Teen Titans) to being entirely a machine, save the brain (like Genos in One Punch Man). Because Square will literally never tell us otherwise, I'm going with the super-angsty, brain-only scenario. Hojo just seems the type to go all-in, you know? I imagine Chadley tested high in some sort of aptitude test, similar to Shelke's circumstances, which got him on Shin-Ra and Hojo's radar. Until I hear otherwise, that's that on that!
> 
> Also, can we talk about Shalua for a second? Girl sacrificed so much in the search for her family, and canon decided hey, let's give her a coma, put her in a pod, _lose_ the pod somewhere over the ruins of Midgar, and just never address it? And let's also show an epilogue scene where Shelke and Vincent smile happily at one another and pretend she basically never existed??? I feel nothing about this.
> 
> It's just a nod, but Chadley's crush on Cloud will never cease being an endless source of entertainment for me lolol. I can still hear him in that scene in the remake: "What is this...emotional response...?" 
> 
> I've probably committed a cardinal sin by not mentioning Vincent at all in a Shelke-centric fic, but he just...didn't come up? Even with him being heavily invested in Shelke's well-being post-DoC, he's still a loner by nature. He's in Edge a lot more often these days, and is more reliable to answer his PHS if it's coming from Cloud or Tifa, but yeah. Boy's in the wind, brooding somewhere lol.
> 
> Lastly, I hope that I didn't write anything too discrepant from canon. It's been quite some time since I've touched DoC and, because of obvious reasons, I didn't have the time to replay it. I settled for watching the cutscenes on youtube, but if there's anything too ooc, please let me know so I can correct it! (For example, I know that Deepground targeted Kalm, but like, there's still got to be people living there, right? Maybe even a heavier WRO presence in the aftermath, helping everyone rebuild? Shh, let me have this.)
> 
> To my giftee, I sincerely hope this fic managed to keep you even passively entertained! This was my first time writing either character, and I found it to be very fun!
> 
> If you celebrate them, Happy Holidays everyone! And thanks for reading! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧


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